She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
