I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize