went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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