I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
