watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We got so high we made milksteak
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
