sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
