apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize