you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
