dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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