I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
