I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize