She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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