There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
