everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
