he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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