Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
