I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
