ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
