I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
