Just cropdusted the office
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
