And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
