The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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