I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize