i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
