Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
