Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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