So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
