The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
