I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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