I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
