it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
