Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
