Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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