She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
