I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
