Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
