I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
