God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
