This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
