Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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