we have pet lesbian snakes
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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