I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
