I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
