I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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