you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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