Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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