How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i need some magic done to my vagina
is that a dick in a sweater?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
