That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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