i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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