Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
