cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
