So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
