Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
