Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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