guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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