i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
