How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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