my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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