I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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