Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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