OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
