So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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