At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
