Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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