wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize