just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
