In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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