i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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