If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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