Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
