You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
