Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
