i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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