I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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