And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
