Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
