It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
