I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
