I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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