I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
