her vagine was all disorganized.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
