I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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