Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
