Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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