She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
