i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
