people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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