her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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