trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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