My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
