Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
