keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
