Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize