I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
