He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
